They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
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