the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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