I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
