At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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