do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
