my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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