and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I want her autograph on my taint
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Randomize
