No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
