what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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