now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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