he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
