who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
