That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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