there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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