ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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