I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
