I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
