May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize