i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
