If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
