You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
