not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
