I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
