my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
