I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I think I sprained my soul last night
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
