I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
