you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
