Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
