when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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