I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Randomize
