you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
