I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
