You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
This show inspires me to have sex in space
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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