I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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