May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
