i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Randomize
