you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Who died my cat blue again?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
