i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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