Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
