even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
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