why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
foreskin is a definite game changer
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
