It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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