I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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