i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
