How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
PANTIES FOUND
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