I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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