That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
