Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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