Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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