hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize
